Alex, my darling sister, bought me this book ages ago, when I was not long out of hospital last year. I never got round to picking it up for a read until now, although I always had plans to. I've never been a big reader. I think I've only read 1 or 2 books from start to finish in my adult life! It's really a shame, but before the crash I had such a busy and exciting life I didn't have wind down, chill out days, other than hungover days in front of the TV, watching Come Dine With Me and stuffing my face.
I only read educational, interesting, informative fiction books either for my own benefit, to understand something in more detail, or for my own benefit to succeed well at Uni. My theology degree entailed A LOT of reading! In most cases boring literature and even then I only used it for relative quotes to boost my writing up in essays etc.
So my experience of reading was not of personal interest but for eduational 'self help' benefits. I read a very good book, 'Boot Camp For The Soul' when I went to Australia for Christmas 2012. It was a book that really helped me get over and move on from my previous relationship and be super independent and positive for my return to the UK, in the new year 2013.
And so, I haven't really read a book since then! I thought I would therefore buy a few good books to help with my amnesia, I spent a fortune on Amazon buying all sorts, from mini books of 'Mindfulness' a small book of quotes of positivity, to several books such as 'physical management for neurological conditions'. The title alone is daunting let alone the size of this text book of neurological conditions. I'll get on to it one day!
Before I started the journey of becoming a book worm, I thought I should pick Miss Piper's book up and give it a read! I've had to reread pages a couple of times when put down and picked up again the following day. However It is a very hard one to put down at all, I don't want to forget ANY of the positive, motivational content, therefore I thought I'd do a blog post to coincide its best bits! Here we go.
Page 36: Listen To The Positive Voice Inside You
A simple and really positive little exercise you can do, legless or not! I really liked this test, I'm quite a positive person and it is proved in the language you use off the top of your head. It's interesting to see that evidence from exercises like this one can really help you notice and change your attitude to a positive one no matter what negativity you may hold.
The only negative feeling I've had today, was making myself a cup of tea and not being able to carry it whilst using crutches in my pjs. Yet this was not a negative feeling I held on to at the time. I could have shouted to my dad to come and fetch it for me, but I found a solution to it with moving it along and hopping to the table with it. NO spillage! Go me!
Katie states, "There is an obvious difference between acting as a victim and acting as a survivor. Survivors find positive answers to questions like these" (on page 36 of her book).
I'M A SURVIVOR! YIPPEEE!!!
Page 44: Put it into words
Katie wrote letters & poems about her face to help her work through the acceptance of her disfigurement. "Learning to love my new face". The poem is about leaving her old face behind, which can be found on page 45, titled My Old Face. So I wrote a poem about my new leg, Leonard.
Leo, my new pal, you're not as sexy as my old leg but its still early days.
Every week I feel like your support is more steady and walking without a stick isn't far away
Obviously my KG Heels will be left in the cupboard for a few years yet,
Not only that, but I'll be getting too old to wear them, which does make me a bit upset.
Anyway lets not dwell on that, no doubt some things have fully ended.
Round 2 of Jacko's life, time for the best, happy days, no pretending.
Dust off the negativity, smile away, forever and a day.
Page 50: Choosing to be a Surviour (not a victim)
Points to remember.
- To become a survivor, you have to want to be one: Make a conscious decision to choose survival over victimhood and work hard to behave like a survivor in every way you can.
- Choose your words carefully. Survivors speak in positives, telling themselves that they 'can' do things and 'will' recover. Don't fall into the 'can't' and 'won't' trap or you'll be speaking like a victim. Asking 'how' instead of 'why' helps you look forward and take action instead of gazing backwards into your past.
- Talk the positive talk. Even if you feel like its all a big pretence, talk as if you will recover, predict good things for yourself and will them to be true. Just saying these things out loud can often get the ball rolling, and if you say them often enough you'll start to believe them to be true.
- Look for positives in everything, no matter how unimportant or trivial the psotive aspects seem. Pinpointing the positives - however tiny - will help you to see your circumstances in a new light.
- Wallowing and bitterness are the two enemies of survival and recovery. Pay attention so you don't end up there! Recognise and steer clear of circular or negative patterns.
- Accepting your situation gives you strength to start moving on. If you don't accept what has happened, you'll just stay stuck. Its a natural healing process, so give yourself time to accept your situation and start getting used to the new new feelings you're having. Only then can you start to look at how you're going to move on and begin to recognise what will make you feel better. And you'll be moving forward as a survivor.
- You only have to get through one day at a time. Nothing more. Keep your goals small and break things down into tiny steps. And please don't forget to reward yourself.
Chapter 3 Counting your blessings
Page 54, Scientists and psychologists are now telling us to do it - because they say that in doing so we can see all that we values and have to protect in our lives and therefore take responsibility for out own happiness and become more optimistic people - if we work at it. It makes sense. If we honour the things in life that are important to us, the less likely we will be to have regrets in the future.
Many therapists get their clients to list the happy things that have happened in their week instead of merely focusing on the sad and miserable ones. I am all for this. It can really massively change your whole perspective.
We can all moan about what we don't have, but what about celebrating all that we do? There is a top psychiatrist in Italy - Professor Giovanni Fava - who encourages his patients to keep a 'happy diary' He says that once people write down the details of positive moments, happy feelings really take root in their minds. By choosing to focus on what's good, and by telling ourselves something consciously, it affects our subconscious. In other words, the happiness starts to sink in and become part of us.
[It's exactly what I'm doing with my 100 happy days! I really agree with you here Katie & Giovanno, although my positivity has been pretty stable and going well ever since the crash, maybe the bump to my head knocked away the negativity as well as my memory!]
The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.
"I can, I will! Using positive language to make positive changes in your life. "You can be the one who turns the situation around, who choses to see the bright, optimistic side rather than the positive of failure." pg.88
Beware of energy vampires! "Some people are like drains and others are like radiators"
Lance Armstrong, 'Its not about the bike' - The book focuses on the idea that whatever has happened to your body, your mind can beat it. pg.92 Katie highlights
I would be very interested in reading this book, sounds great!
Page 93
Katie stresses "making yourself feel better & believing in your own recovery. 'Healing through the mind can work harmoniously with medicine' and thinking perfect health is something anybody can do privately within themselves, no matter what is happening around them."
page 94:
- Every situation has its positives.
- Negative noise will only make you feel bad.
- Steer clear of negative messages.
- Positive words work.
- Inspiration can be found anywhere.
"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run then outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
- Helen Keller
Dont wait for life to happen, make it happen! Behind every success there is a painful history. pg 116
Laughing through the pain!
Experts claim that just the very act of smiling can lift your mood and give you a sense of control , a feeling of lightness and mental boost. And lets face it, sometimes we just need a bit of comic relief. page 121
Ever time you smile at someone it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Theresa
I was just incredibly unlucky, I try to view myself with compassion and use hindsight to teach me a lesson for the future, rather than simply wishing I could turn back time.
All of our tough experiences can add up to something positive in our lives, even if they don't feel particularly positive at the time. Page 144
I hope you're ready to throw out these regrets and focus only on putting the lessons you've learned to good use in the future.
Recognise what you can and cannot control in your life.
Chapter 10 Forgive & be kind
Page 156: I felt guilty for my sister, I used to be her big sister. the one who always looked after her - but now she had to look after me.- I feel slightly like this too, I miss the relationship I used to have with my sister Alex. She was always under my wing and now the wing has gone! She has been so good to me this year and I'm so lucky to have such a kind and loving little sister like her. I love you AJ!
Page. 157: We didn't make these mistakes because we are horrible people, we made them because we're human, and once we get as far as realising this, we then need to find a way to forgive ourselves instead of punishing ourselves. You need to start making extra effort to be kind to yourself. You deserve it, even if you really did bring things on yourself.
Page 169 - Some points to help you forgive and be kind to yourself:
- During hard times, treat yourself as you would a friend - look after yourself and be kind.
- You're only human - everyone makes mistakes & nobody's perfect.
- Forgiveness is for you, forgiveness will bring you inner peace.
- Having a forgiving eye on the world can make it a better place for you too.
- Accepting kindness from other people can open up your world. It can give you a real boost! Especially if they have similar problems to you and can help shed positive light.
SMART GOALS:
Specific: Be clear about what your goal is and what it involves.
Measurable: Make sure there's an easy and obvious way to gauge your progress as you work towards your goal - you should be able to look back and see exactly how far you've come.
Achievable: Don't aim for the impossible or the extreme, make sure the goal is something you can realistically accomplish.
Relevant: The goal you choose must matter and have relevance to your life and the way you wish to live it.
Time Bound: Set a time frame within which you hope to achieve the specified goal.
Goal setting points to remember:
- Having goals gives your life focus
- Your goals are wrapped up with your dreams
- Break things down into steps
- SMART goals area specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound
- Start today!!
- Say them out loud
- Find out what motivates you
- Disappointment is a face of life - but you can always push through it.
Chapter 12: Believe in yourself
Though other people can help make us feel good about ourselves, ultimately its having belief in yourself that will make you truly happy and that will get you through anything.
Good self-esteem and strong self-worth are the foundations of a happy life.
Good self-esteem is the bedrock of a happy life and will enable you to make good and healthy choices.
Page 207 - On a date with a boyfriend, I found myself consumed with worry about what would happen when i met his friends. ' What if they look at me and wonder why he's going out with someone with burns?' I thought. 'What if they ask him why he couldn't meet someone "normal"?'
These days I am well practiced at recognising my negative noise, so in this instance I decided to speak back to myself: 'your new boyfriend is an adult and can make his own mind, Katie.' I said. 'His friends are probably very nice so just imagine it going brilliantly and then its more likely to happen.'
I can really relate to this scenario, as it is definitely something that niggles me a little bit, sometimes. More so because of my missing limb, not so much my burns, that's minimal to me and the fact that I would have to say to this future boyfriend, as he lights the candles and closes the blinds, "excuse me whilst I pop my leg off babe"… God! Just the thought of it gives me shivers! This is a relatively active, negative inner-voice I have sometimes Katie! Help me!
Page 209 - Instant Confidence Booster:
If you need a confidence boost right now, avoid the quick fixes and try these simple tricks! Trust me, they work.
- Stand tall. Sounds so simple, right? Confident people don't slouch, and standing straight makes you more alert and aware. Try it.
- Focus on the positive. Take time to think of a few things that have gone right for you and allow yourself to enjoy the achievement.
- Pretend you're on stage. If you act confident, you're more likely to feel and become more confident.
- Rethink it. When your confidence is getting beaten, stop and consider how it can be turned on it head. Sometimes, even now, if someone stares at me I say loudly to myself in a funny way: 'Its because you fancy me!' It might sound crazy but it really works. Your subconscious will listen if you tell it enough times.
- Get active. Getting out of breath is scientifically proven to boost your mood. Like it or not, exercise is a much better option than drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs as it's a 'safe' high, beats depression and will make you feel good for longer. Do you need to be convinced further?
Page 210 - Points to help you believe in yourself:
- Good self-esteem is a powerful tool in life - it will equip you to deal with all sorts of situations and give you the confidence to seize opportunities when they come your way.
- Low self-esteem often isn't your fault - It may have been caused by how people have treated you, or by traumatic or troubling events. While you can't change the past or control other people, you can take charge of your feelings and reactions.
- Speak up! - If someone crosses your line, don't be afraid to say no - you don't owe anyone anything. Be ready to tell people what you do want. Confidence is about knowing what you want and deserve, and being able to communicate it effectively.
- Put on a brave face. Acting confidently can work wonders when your out of your comfort zone. Even if you're quaking inside, a brave face will trick others - and yourself - into believing your confidence is real.
- Choose the right confidence booster. Stand tall, get active and challenge your thinking. Turn your back on quick-fixes and unhealthy habits - they might make your feel great for five minutes but they wont do you much good in the long run.
Chapter 13 : Leading a purposeful life: find meaning in all that you do.
Finding what makes you feel needed or important and having a sense that you have a purpose in this world is so important to your happiness and wellbeing. it's what helps you get out of bed in the morning , ready to take on the world and feeling like you have everything to live for. when life throws us a curve ball, this is what gives us a solid foundation to cope with anything.
Page 215: Remember you don't have to be a superhero, so give yourself a break. Focus on asking yourself, 'what am I good at? what can I offer?' And the answer is: lots and lots, so don't stop looking until you have the answer.
(feel free to comment at the end of this post on things you think I am good at? What can I offer?)
When I was in recovery I could have applied for long-term disability benefits. It would have covered the cost of me having my own house and I could have lived the rest of my life being financially supported. But I was told that if I claimed it I'd not be allowed to do any work at all, not even volunteering, and for me this wasn't an option. I couldn't sit at home not letting my life happen when I felt so strongly that I wanted to make a contribution to the world. I was incredibly grateful that finical help was available and so many people do critically need it, but it just didn't feel right for me. Plus, I could hardly wait to get out their and to make up for lost time. I didn't know how, but I had to have the option to do something.
I'm defiantly with you here Katie! I don't know what it is yet, but I have a feeling, something astonishing has yet to come out of me! I can feel it in my lions, I'm going to make a difference to something or someone out their. I want to thank the world in someway. It didn't take me and swallow me whole, when it easily could have. In fact, it did! I had died for a few minutes after the crash and before the emergency services arrived!
It/God/Buddha/The world, spat me back out again telling me, it's not your time yet, you've got some bigger fish to fry! Go and make your stamp on the world, before you even attempt to come back!
And that was my personal "divine intervention." ;-)
You can make a difference! Helping others will help you find a sense on purpose.
One sure-fire way of feeling happier is to bring happiness to other people!
Page 226: Points to help you find meaning and purpose in your life.
- You can build a happier new you. Having a sense of purpose in the world and feeling valued in life are the cornerstones of a happy life.
- You matter in this world. If you think what you do or don't do doesn't count then think again! Everyone has something to offer. Sometimes it just takes a while to discover what that thing is.
- Draw on your experiences. Give support to those who have supported you and use your knowledge and experiences to help others in similar situations. You will feel immense pride and self-worth at being able to make a difference in someone else's life.
- Be inspired by the people around you. Find the role models in your life who will help give you the courage to find your own path in life. they don't have to be rich or famous (though they may be), they can often come from unexpected places, or be right under your nose.
Getting help points to remember:
- Mind over matter. Having a strong and healthy mind is just as important as having a healthy body. If you want to get the most out of life, good mental health is the key.
- Asking for help is a sign of strength. Its takes guts to admit to your failings and dedication to want to overcome the.
- You're not the only one who needs help. With one if four people in the UK suffering from mental health issues at some point in their life, you're certainly not alone. If you need further proof, ask yourself why there's a whole industry devoted to mental health and therapy?
- Help comes in many forms - Whether it's talking to a friend, finding a support group or accepting professional help. And when it comes to therapy, there are different techniques and specialisms. Knowing what you want to achieve or fix makes it easier to find the right help.
- There's a reason why they're called experts. We cam't always fix ourselves - often we (or our families) just don't have the skills required. Professionals do, and they are there to help.
- Getting to the bottom of your problems is the most effective way to solve them. But finding the root of an issue or worry can take time, patience and strength, and you cant always do it alone.
- The journey may be difficult but the destination is worth it. Talking to a therapist can be daunting, and dealing with your issues can be painful or hard work, but stick with it - you'll be rewarded with peace and happiness at the other end.
Chapter 15: Setbacks and plateaus
They may be frustrating or painful, but setbacks and plateaus aren't failures by any stretch of the imagination. I sure had plenty of them in my recovery when things seemed to stall or even slide, like when certain operations didn't work and needed redoing, or when at the first trial there was a hung jury over whether Danny was guilty of rape. In these cases we need to dig deep, keep our faith and just carry on fighting.
These need not be seen as failures, as long as you keep looking forward and work through them so that they don't kill your inspiration. Not loosing sight of your end goal can be tricky when things aren't happening as fast as you'd hoped or appear to be standing still altogether. The journey we're on is not always smooth, but thing of these bumps as failures is just negative and makes us feel as if we've done something wrong, whereas seeing them as 'setbacks' gives you a chance to pause and take stock before carrying on. And sometimes our setbacks open up all kinds of opportunities for us that we didn't even notice before.
'Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found in finishing an activity but in doing it.' Greg Anderson, founder of the US Wellness Project
Page 259: Putting up with pain in order to get greater gain
I learned the hard way that putting up with indignity and pain was what was needed if I was going to make the best recovery possible. I later discovered that psychologists say being able to live with discomfort in this way, and also being able to put a hold on our happiness or comfort for the meantime, is essential to good mental health. It made me feel great to find out that what I was doing meant I was really sane and grounded! We often have to put up with discomfort in order to succeed later on.Page 260: Playing the 'long-game': there are no quick fixes
If you view the bigger picture rather than focusing on short-term fixes you're less likely to see plateaus as negative and feel like you are stuck. You can see them as momentary setbacks full of opportunity to learn and grow. As I said before, psychologists have told me that good mental health is all about being able to delay having something nice in order to have something even better later on.- Setbacks aren't failures!
- The road may be bumpy, but it still leads somewhere.
- You can learn valuable lessons from your setbacks.
- It;s important to pase and take stock.
- No pain, no gain
Page 266: Because I'd faced such big challenges I'd already proven to myself I could manage I had loads of strength and resilience now to face the challenges in my new life! There's something so very liberating about that.
Getting stronger and staying strong: Points to remember:
- Recovery is not the end of the road. Your goals have been reached, so it's time to set new ones! With your newfound strength and skills, the journey to achieve your dreams will now be easier than ever!
- It can take time to get used to the new you. Your new strength and confidence might feel unnatural at first, so take it slowly and keep being kind to yourself as they settle in.
- Remember to say thanks to those who helped. If they shared your lows, let them share your highs,too. It's only fair.
- Your recovery is your recovery. Most people will want to celebrate it with you. But if others don't , who cares?! Quickly check you haven't forgotten to thank them, then get on with your new life and don't let anyone bring you down.
- Be prepared that other people may start o lean on you. You're now a great example of strength and recovery, so don't be surprised if people look to you for help and advice. Share it if you're ready, but remember to set boundaries and don't feel you have too much of yourself if you're not comfortable doing so.
- Be compassionate. Your recovery has been a success, but other people may still be working through their own issues. They must go through all the same stages as you did - in their own time and their own way. so don't judge them or compare their journey with you own. Just give them support.
- Keep your tools handy for when you need a top-up. Identify what things helped make you stronger and be willing to turn to them when you need a boost. Also keep your eyes open for great new ways to maintain your strength and self-esteem.
Page.279: "Having been through so much is strangely liberating, because I now know that whatever life throws at me I can deal with it. And plan to enjoy every minute of it."
WOW - My goodness, this woman is totally amazing and has really inspired me and lifted me up by the heart and soul. She really is living proof that things will get better and I've really connected to many of the things she has said in this book! I have added all of the bits and pieces that I do not want to forget about and that have had a positive effect on me, therefore I hope it can do the same to you, my fellow blog readers.I must really say however, go out there and get this book, read it from start to finish and then step out into the world with a smile on your face and positive views to everything you see.
Well done Katie, you amazing woman!
